majorly drainnnnned

Wow. a feel like a lifetime has gone by since the last time i updated this blog. A lifetime of sadness, remembrance of old memories, makings of new ones, coming together as a family, realizing how strong and amazing my family is, a time of celebrating the painless and joyous life my Uncle now has in Heaven, but also a time of realizing how life won't be the same without him.

Yup...it was a long, majorly draining week. Besides the obvious sadness of losing one of my Watt's family Uncles, i also realized, through a bad heart scare with Grandfather, that
1) the Watts family is truly amazing and
2) the idea of losing Grandfather scares me to death
That night, while my mom, uncles, aunts, and Grandfather were in the ER, my cousin and i were texting, both of us expressing at midnight how we were really scare about the situation.  When Abby said "we'll always have each other" i realized how much I've taken for granted the amazing support system that is the Watts family.

Other happenings of the week...i had an AMAZING time with my super bestest 13 year old second cousin :) memories including
- our extensive game of Bliratspiunowould was constantly awesome
- our convo that lasted till 4 AM made my life so much happier
- her kicking herself awake and then having a semi-conscious panic attack about my slap happy laughing reaciton
-the Brown family influence on my "sayings" with 1) Pickles 2) somebodies gonna die 3) just sayings all 4) oh my heart 5) oh my heart 6) good grief ( just to name a few)

so there were happy times too...in the midst of all the sad, silver lining in the clouds.

another smaller, less important, "epiphany" (!!!) from this week was the understanding and commitment to now forever obey the "don't put all your eggs in one basket" rule. bad things happen...you can think something is so good, and you're doing it all right, so it doesn't matter if you count and rely on it. but no...it does....in following, whatever I've said about "as long as you like someone and don't tell them you won't get hurt" thing...i lied, unbeknown st to me of course :P your heart is a fragile thing, especially when its been glued back together already. here's my new advice. be a nun. or move to a secluded place in Alaska at a young age. don't care how unimportant you try to make it seem, getting hurt is no small thing. don't ever downsize your hurt by saying its so much less than someone elses, just face it, deal with it, and move on. when you can that is...

for now though, i kind of feel like blocking everything out, the small and the big, for the next few weeks...otherwise i think I'll explode. but then again maybe i will anyways.
home tomorrow...I'm dying to be home, but dying to stay. I'm afraid of facing reality...not that the reality here wasn't bad, it was, it was sad. but home is just. back to those realities that will be right in my face from now on. now I'm not making sense though....i guess I'll go to sleep

gnight world. you're a pretty awful place, yes you have your silver lining, but you can't compete with heaven. you're totally left in the dust. sometimes I think, gee, it's not too bad...but times like these past weeks i think...wow...store your treasures up in heaven because the world will only crush and steal them.

may all sound like I'm completely depressed and lacking in faith and what not...but I'm not don't worry. I know God has a plan and purpose in everything, i just don't see it right now, life will go on, there will still be happy moments and times...but that plan and purpose always seem to be lurking in the shadows, out of arms reach, taunting and tempting me to throw in the towel and tell God he's insane. but for today, blog, I'm sticking with him

Sigh

uhhhhh...bloggin is harder than i thought it would be! It's definitely NOT my strongpoint :)

This weekend I visited UCF (University of Central Florida) and boy oh boy is it causingme mntal issues :P I absolutely LOVED it. The violin teacher challenged me within 15 minutes of our first meeting and the campus...ohhhh the campus :) ts pactically like oging to school at a resort. I can totally picture myself there. Themost amazing part about it all is that it could actually be a possibility for me to got here! But ithen i started thinking, could i actually leave everything I've got at home to come here? Am i just talk? in other words i'd be dead homescik in a day? Even after this weekend i'm DYING  to home and see some peopole. haha only like 3. but those 3 are becoming so incredibly important to me! So i try to justify it - they're ll gonna go off and get lives too! so why should i stay behind? Of course i'm not even acceted to the gosh darned place yet...but still, xomething to pray about. I really wanna go...like i think i'll bawl myeye out if i can't, bu ti'll prlly bawl my eyes out whn i leave, but that's normal right? Ohhhh pickles. forget this  :P

Anyways. The Rock the Universe night was definitely one of the most AMAZING experiences I've EVER had. Imagine 40,000 people singing God of wonders to Third Day, their hands in the air, ever person singing what they believe - just like you. It was like wow there's a lot of us :) for serious though...i'm definitely doing that again.

There was one thing that dampened my spirits... (gosh i sould like an old British lady haha) this weekend. Watching my mom and dad together, and my sister and her boyfrind was hard. lol everytime i think aou tstuff like this i have this moment of "AAAAA natalie your only like 13 your not old enough you wacky drama queen" and then"ohhhh....waiittt...."
Aneways. (gee i say that a lot) all that to say i was EX-TER-EME-ELEEEEYYY- jealous :P and no no no no it wasn't to the point of distraction from the real purpose of the concerts or anything else this weekend but i just was really wishing I had that special someone. BLEEEEEHHH i sould like. like. like a girl. yuck.
haha seriously that's what i thought - like whoa that's not supposed to be happening :P

I'm honestly sick of waiting for someone -> yes my patience on this subject lasted about 4 months :P but for real. I like someone. a lot. and i don't want to, but hey, its inevitable, and yeah that's o.k, its all about what i do with that right? meaning nothing.
/well i'm sickkk of doing nothing. we're supposed to wait for the guy to sweep us off our feet, but hey they ain't sweepin. NOT COOL. blah. men. they're all. ;lksfdj;alsdkfj;lsakjfl;askjdl;asfjk. i shall become a nun :P J. freakin. K :)

titled sigh, because..i've been doing that. a. lot. :) SIGHHHHHHH

SENIORSSSS

SENIOR YEAR BABBBYYYY!!!!!!!

It's amazing how the new school year gives you so much opportunity for changing. It also is a time that i'm normally failing to make those changes, reach those goals, and keep those promises i made to myself about starting the year. This year though, i'm gonna really work to make those changes! Because this is the last year I have before entering into a whole new world where no one will know me. A world where no one will know the mistakes i've made. (although i do hope i'll get to know some well enough to tell them :)

What changes do i wanna make besides my usual eat less run more (Not that those wouldn't be nice :P) Well for starters I wouldn't mind if my mom would stop telling me that i'm mean and bossy with my friends/family. I don't mean duck tape her mouth so she stops saying it, i mean figuring out what reasons she has for saying it and trying to change! I wouldn't mind being a litle more respectful and supportive of my guy friends (not that they deserve it!) because that is apparently what they need in life. I would like to over react a little less to like...everything :P I wanna be a better friend, I wanna monopolize conversation less, mainly i wanna become the kind of person that everybody can trust to listen to them, keep their secrets, give them advice when they ask for it, and comfort them when they're hurt. Cause i feel like those people are getting rarer and rarer.

Some thing else i've been thinking about a LOT lately - I  mean what girl isn't?!...and if you don't...shut up and tell me your secret - Guys.
Oh the stupid fools that get all our attention, make us cry, make us scream and bang our headson various objects, make us laugh until we cry again, and turn us into people htat prank in the middle of the night ad ruing church :P pretty much turn us into heathens.
The past couple years i'm always telling myself "you're gonna be the girl that
1) isn't a flirt
2) doesn't like anyone
3)doesn't ACT like she likes anyone
4) and definitely deon't slowly pine away over having or not have a boyfriend"

Well since i was in 8th grade that has been pretty easy - especially the 1st, 3rd, and 4th thing. There was that one year though...but i've kind of erased that from my brain :D

I'm pretty sure though when i made that list, i was...well...in 8th grade. FACT. i'm a girl. (yes i thankfully realize this) Girls are attracted to guys. and whoever decided that girls need to be less distracting to guys and guys can do whatever the heck they want cause girls never get distracted was A FREAKIN IDIOT!
So now that list has become completely and utterly IMPOSSIBLE! (cept number 1:PP)

#2. don't like anyone
HA. (At this point in typing I thought of when in The Lion King Simba says "HA I laugh in the face of danger" which led me to think about how i used to love saying Mufasa in a very ramatic voice repeatedly to annoy everyone (mainly mark and jen) which of course led me to rekindle my love for saying that name by saying it like 8 millio times - detour much!) annnyways, yeah. ha. ain't happenin

#3. don't ACT like i like anyone
well. complication. that shan't be listed on here :P

#4. don't pine over not having a boyfriend
thought today as i looked as someone elses pictures "i WANT a boyfriend!" like. now!

so fail. at life

I've decided to update...and change my list

1. still stands - don't be an idiotic flirt girl. nobody likes those
2. go ahead. like someone. in fact. make life easier for yourself and PICK someone to like. then like them in your head and do nothing about it :P
3. kind of the same as before...but...you like somebody - treat them with respect, no sarcasm, try not to hurt their feelings or be a jealous idiot, but don't go around saying "i don't like anybody, because that's dumb and you shouldn't do it till college" you not 2 natalie. just don't go telling them...you know what happened last time
4. well. once again go ahead. pine away. but tunnel the pining into something useful. like becoming the person that that guy will love and cherish! yay! now you can pine and possibly get one!

I'm not going into this anymore. except to say that GUYS WITH ABS AND MUSCLES NEED TO STOP TAKING OF THEIR SHIRTS.

I will do these things, cause i can. cause i wanna be a better person! cause...cause i can :) this is the year baby. the year everything will change! LETS MAKE IT A GOOOOOODDDD ONE!

HEY! its SUMMER!

blah blah blah.

yes that is the start to my post after not writing for like um...3000 years.

and no blah does not describe my summer! my summer has been GREAT! I'm not going to describe it all cause that would take 3000 more years that i don't have, sooo just a few words of description should do :)

1. AMAZING, amazazazing, amazazazazazazing,
2. awesome
3. fantastic
4. great
5. enough with the common words :)
6. Rad
7. humorous
8. dramatic
9. exquisite
10. vivacious
11. epiphinatical :)
12. FANTASTICAL
13. eye opening

so yeah, its pretty much been awesome. there's been drama of course. but hey what would life be without a little drama?! I think I've succeeded in not being a part of most of it...at least after causing it anyways (jkjkkjk...maybe :P) but mostly its been alright.

I've gotten closer to some awesome people, and lost ground in other relationships. but that's o.k, because life goes on...people change...their dreams, goals and ideals. who am I to judge how other people change? i can't so i won't. I won't prevent them from changing, but I'm also going to make sure they don't prevent ME from changing. Because change can be good. sometimes.

Anyways, that's all after my stupidly long summer blog break :) i have stuff to write..but its midnight...so bye <3

Quotes :)

Here are my quotes!

a lot where in the other post...but that's ok :)

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting” ~E. Cummings

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~E Cummings

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” ~Dr. Seuss

“You were born an original. Don't die a copy.” ~John Mason

“Sorry I actually eat unlike some people...Sorry I can be myself around guys unlike some people... Sorry I like to have fun and I don’t care what people think about me... Sorry I am me!” ~ totally unknown…but my goodness I could have written this J

“I’m not a perfect girl. My hair doesn't always stay in place and I spill a lot of things. I’m pretty clumsy & sometimes I have a broken heart </3 my friends & I sometimes fight and maybe some days nothing goes right. But when I think about it and I take a step back. I remember how amazing my life truly is and that maybe, just maybe - I like being imperfect.” ~once again unknown, but I still love it

“Shoot for the moon.  Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.”  ~Les Brown

“You can make whatever you want out of YOUR life, but first you have to not be afraid to try.”

“If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up.”  ~J.M. Power

“God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow in them.”  ~Author Unknown

“Excellence is not a skill.  It is an attitude.”  ~Ralph Marston

“You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes

You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who'll decide where to go.”
~Dr. Seuss

“It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.”  ~Author Unknown

“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there”
- Will Rogers

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
— Dr. Seuss

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."
— Dr. Seuss

"The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go."
— Dr. Seuss (I Can Read with My Eyes Shut)

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You."
— Dr. Seuss (Happy Birthday to You!)

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
Nothing is going to get better. It's not."
— Dr. Seuss (The Lorax)

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."
— Dr. Seuss (oh my goodness I love this quote so much J)

"Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!"
— Dr. Seuss

"You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So... get on your way!"
— Dr. Seuss (Oh, the Places You'll Go!)

"I’m glad we had the times together just to laugh and sing a song, seems like we just got started and then before you know it, the times we had together were gone."
— Dr. Seuss

"You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights."
— Dr. Seuss

"When he worked, he really worked.
but when he played, he really PLAYED."
— Dr. Seuss

“Reach for the sky” Woody

“To Infinity and beyond!” Buzz Lightyear

“The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.” Emperor

“What do you do when things go wrong? Oh! You sing a song!” Snow White

“The very things that hold you down are going to lift you up.” Timothy Mouse

“All it takes is faith and trust” Peter Pan

There’s something about being alive that is just so amazing! You’re thinking….duh Natalie…we’re all alive woohoo so exciting ;) but really. Think about it. I haven’t thought about it in a really long time. But then I got pneumonia and was lying at the top of the steps begging my mom to just kill me, and God to just let me die. Good times J then when being on an antibiotic and breathing treatment for three more days I was STILL stuck in bed. Half way through the day my mom and I were lying there, listening to Little Women on CD (which was pretty fun) and I turned to her and said “are we really going to do this? Tomorrow? And the next day?” (and then I proceeded to just start yelling for no reason..being sick can do weird things to you) I then proceeded to say how I hated being stuck in the bed, which grew into how I hate being stuck in Delaware, and how I just want to leave and be somebody else. Pretty much one of the most depressing days of my life yes. Honestly though, I’m glad I got sick. I think God might have been waking me up. For so long I’ve been complaining about how I’m never going to be famous or get to do anything awesome because I’m stuck here being Natalie. My life has kind of been turning into a get through each day and try and make it to the next. My attitude was pretty much a boring, dull, who cares cares kind of attitude, even way before I got sick. I was just getting worn out and sick of life. I think God was like GET SOME REST GIRL. I didn’t listen. Hence the pneumonia J The day I was FINALLY able to leave the house I felt like I was in a whole new world J When I got to bible-study I just sat there and listened to all the people that I care about so much, and thought about how I’ve really been taking them all for granted. When Kati Davis literally crashed into me for a hug I realized how lucky I am to have her for a best friend <3. I taught the next two days at GCA and LCA and thought about how I’m so lucky to have such a big impact on my 13 students, and how I’m lucky to have any students at all. I’m doing what I’ve wanted to do since I was five, be a violin teacher! On my wall at home I have a quote board with some of my favorite quotes. It’s been a long time since I’ve actually read those quotes. I’d been thinking that all those dreams I have will never come true because I’m stuck here. But then I realized that people don’t just get what they want by thinking about it! Here are some of my quotes:

“All our dreams can come true IF we have the courage to pursue them” ~Walt Disney <3 (side note, I love Walt Disney…he’s the best)

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are” ~E. Cummings

“If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up.”  ~J.M. Power (wow much?! Totally my quote!)

“Shoot for the moon! Even if you miss you’ll land among the stars” ~Les Brown

“You can make whatever you want out of YOUR life, but first you have to not be afraid to try.”

“Excellence is not a skill. It’s an attitude.”

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go.”
~Dr. Seuss

“It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.”  ~Author Unknown

 “If you only do what you know you can do- you never do very much.” ~Author Unknown

“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there” ~Will Rogers

"You're off to Great Places!  Today is your day!  Your mountain is waiting,  So... get on your way!"
— Dr. Seuss (Oh, the Places You'll Go!)

"Only you can control your future."  ~Dr. Seuss

I have to go out there and get my dreams! I can’t just sit here and expect someone to give them to me on a silver platter. And if I can’t get them right now, I’m mine as well get ready for them. “Forgetting” to practice violin everyday, getting through lessons just because I can sight read really well…that’s not going to get me into the Philadelphia orchestra, or the Hollywood studios orchestra now is it?! Another quote I have is “My life is my message” ~Gandhi. What messages have I been sending to people with my life?

I guess it’s better to learn late then never J I can tell you this. I’m learning, and I’m changing. Well I gotta go now. I’m gonna go out there and get my dreams  :)

P.s here are the rest of my quotes if you’re interested J

“You were born an original, don’t die a copy”

“When you feel like giving up remember why you held on so long in the first place”

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.” ~Dr. Seuss

“Don’t cry because it’s over, Smile because it happenedJ” ~Dr. Seuss

“Meeting you was fate, becoming friends with was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control”

My all time favorite quote in the whole world:

“Pooh,” said piglet. “Yes piglet?” said pooh “Nothing, I just wanted to be sure of you.”

There are so many good quotes out there. Me thinks I shall post a blog with just all my favorite quotes, cause quotes make me extremely happy J

:)

My absolute favorite thing ever :) I read it whenever i'm feeling down...soooo awesome

I feel a little strange putting up reasons why i make other people smile :) bututttt...i think its cute :)

and my mom thought it should be published anyway :)

25 Reasons Why Natalie Wilson Makes Kati Davis Smile!

1. She's an awesome hugger
3. She's only a phone call/email/Fb message away
2. She doesn't care that i mixed up 2 and 3 on this list
4. She gives me ridiculously huge balloons on my birthday
5. Wer'e so alike (sour patch kids!) yet soooo different (eagles/cowboys)...and that's why we're best friends <3
6. We have a limtless supply of inside jokes/memories so there's almost never an awkward silence between us...almost ;)
7. I can read her mind. Really. It's freaky.
8. She doesn't mind when...crap, i forget (kati...just so you know this has been bothering me FOREVER :P)
9. She understands what its like to tower over all her friend.
10. We come up with the most brilliantly epic ideas together and 99.9% of the time succeed in carrying them out.
11. I just love her :))))))))))))))))) favorite :)
12. She has an amazing mom who gives amazing hugs and cooks amazing food and is pretty much my 2nd mother :)
13. She's a pretty good critique...considering she only has positive things to say :) she's on of the only people i trust to read my writing.
14. She gets me and i get her. and even when we don't it's funny
15. She doesn't mind looking like a complete and total idiot in public. (FACT!)
16. "It's like and underwater tunnel!" <- nuff said :)
17. She talks and talks and talks and asks my opinion and talks and laughs and talks to herself and talks and yells at mark and talks ad cries and talks and prays and talks...and does it again. (hahahahhahaha soooo true)
18. She has a silent laugh that she hates TOO!
19. I can always count on her for ice cream
20. She always finds a way to brighten my day :) ( you too <3)
21. She geets me after a week like its been 10 years (CAUSE IT HASSSSS!!!!)
22. she makes me feel like i'm funny...(just saying...i don't understand this...i find you hilarious..you feel funny?! you are funny! it's awesome :)
23. She doesn't mind that i creep on her 24/7 and have hung up on her 349287098709874029387029874309538563984 times...and counting.
24. Her dad's pretty cool too :)
25. She's my mental patient :) (awesome)

Kati this list pretty much applies right back at you :) with a few changes possibly...but not too many!